Hi Wishful...
I'm still learning detachment too...just wanted to share that we recently discussed it at a meeting, and someone added something that was so helpful - detachment can also be detaching from our own old behaviors or reactions. Detach from your previous thoughts or way of doing things as they haven't been working and find a new way to do it.
I share the concern about something your counselor said - push your AH to go to AA. That seems contrary to letting your AH work on himself, his side of the street, etc. and you focusing on yourself. He needs to make decisions for himself. I know it is scary when you feel that if he fails, your whole family will fail, but this is part of the need to focus on yourself...so that you can be strong and be able to find a new path for yourself should that time come.