Liz, we all walk different roads with different stop signs and you haven't come to your stop sign with the detour yet. A couple of years ago people here were pointing to my sign but at that time I couldn't see it, take your time, it's your time.
I'm going to agree with fedup3 here. You haven't reached your detour sign yet, and that's okay. I took that time for myself and it was a great thing. Use it for you.
That said, with all of the talk you're doing of seeing whether or not your AH will change? I hope you're researching and reading about people with NPD and their partners. You will need this knowledge. It explains all of your frustrations with your AH. Every single one. To me, a dual diagnosis of NPD and alcoholism would be the final nail in the coffin. There is no change, there is no validation, there is no understanding, there never will be, not for you, not for any of his children, not in any of his future relationships. He's not capable of it. You're looking for warm fuzzies down a black hole.
With love, I've been there.