I just wanted to say that this thread has been majorly therapeutic for me. A portion of my drinking was brought on by my NPD in-laws. I wanted to keep trying to help my SIL and her children - my niece and nephew - while my husband just wanted to STAY AWAY from his sister as well as his NPD father. It caused a lot of conflict for all parties. It was impossible and I just recently learned to keep them out of our lives and our childrens' lives.
My SIL is my FIL's "golden child" and if you do or say anything to suggest she is not the most terrific, sexy, talented, beautiful, generous, funny, and intelligent person in the world - you better watch out. There is nothing like narcissistic rage.
My husband and I are resolved to our decision - which unfortunately, includes excluding my innocent niece and nephew. Narcissists never change; they are absolutely broken. This thread has really helped my understand my own motives, and my desperate need for extended family since my own family lives 7 hours away.
Liz, what is it that you are worried about losing? Is it income? Being blamed for breaking up the family? I understand how narcissists deflect blame - their accusations can be devastating if you believe what they say.
Throughout the years I have seen my FIL and SIL cheat, lie, steal, manipulate, gaslight, viciously ostracize and physically harm people weaker than them. It took me 15 years to realize that my role as a "good wife" did not include associating with people who are verging on sociopathy.