Old 05-31-2013, 10:30 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
peridotbleu
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 148
It is confusing - you get married because you trust this person with your life and create a bond with them, and now you - the Non-A are faced with having to reverse that bond!? And it makes the non-A feel guilty for being the one that has to do this because the A is happy with their bond to an enabler, they still trust us and wonder why we are so unhappy! Which makes us feel like the bad guy.
We have to face the reality of it - they are clueless!
It puts you in a Fog, but you will see clearer with more knowledge of this disease.
Its like someone said - our image of marriage kind of flies out the window when you are married to an active A!
It takes time for all of this to sink into our minds - but keep reading/posting here on SR and if at all possible, find some alanon meetings that you can attend. It calms the crazy!
It is a slow process, but what I have learned is you "don't just do something, stand there!"
Repeat the Serenity Prayer and take deep breaths.
When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.
We understand are here for you :-)
peridotbleu is offline