I dont know how many days I have been sober.. nor am I sure that I really care. This week has been hell, my stress level is through the roof and I am ready to loose it.
I thought I was on a bit of an upswing but, then it just came crashing back down.....
Last night my house was like a war zone between me and the teenager. My mom has to have one test THEN the biopsy bc of a heart issue. My thoughts just go in circles of horrid things happening and I am tired. I am not sleeping much, eating much or thinking very clearly.
I am not sure if my life when I was drinking was just easier (no sick mom etc...) or if I just dealt with it better with the bottle by my side but, I think I am DONE DONE DONE with being sober.
Could I not drink...yep. I could continue on like this.... bc its working so f***ing well or I can go back to what I know works. Even if it is a temporary fix.
Will I "violate my big plan?"... will I "relapse"... "slip". Nope. One thing I am sure of is that if I decide to drink then I decide to drink...PERIOD. No relapse here... preplanned getting wasted. REALLY REALLY WASTED.
Those of you who remain sober through stress after stress.... I am amazed. And I wish you all the best of luck. You are amazing people. Either way.... I will let you know.