Old 05-30-2013, 12:39 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Yes Wishful, it is like SparkleKItty says: "his success or failure is independent of anything you can do". That is such a KEY concept.

"Detachment" is not a way to get him to do what you want him to do--it is not a manipulation. It is meant to protect you from the anxiety, effort and chaos of interacting with him over things that YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. This includes stupid arguments --that you can never win, but, leave you upset, angry and exhausted!
Don't take the bait when he is QUACKING or trying to suck you in. Detachment is not going to change what he does (you can;t control that).

If his behaviors is taking the family down the drain--maybe, it is time to reconsider the living situation. You are not meant to sit there and be destroyed or to accept unacceptable behavior. It is your job to decide what you can or can't live with. The kids welfare is an important part of this, also. (In my opinion--the first consideration).

This is difficult stuff to cope with--the reason why you need all the help and support you can get.

We are here for you--24/7.

dandylion
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