I was with my AH for ten years. It wasn't until after I had left him that I realized how many of our life decisions had been made by him, without much input fom me. Let me rephrase that... I had given my input, but it had been discounted completely. We had been planning a big lifestyle change, to go sailing around the tropical Pacific Ocean together for 5 years or more, and that takes a lot of preparation and saving. We had departure dates planned for years, but he couldn't muster the self-discipline to actually save money by that deadline and he decided to postpone... AFTER I had quit my job! Thanks. He postponed for 6 months, then another 6, then another... Then, he got mad at me for not being able to keep up with my end of the finances. Right, cause that's simple to do when you don't have a steady job. Grr.
When we finally left, his drinking got really bad. We lasted for 6 months before I finally put my foot down and we ended up back in the town where we had met. I left him one night soon after we returned and i stopped talking to him except through emails for more than a month. He was still making plans for us... He was going to make some modifications to the boat and we would sail away again within 3-4 months. Nothing could be more frightening to me now. There is NO way I would step foot on a boat with him now. La La Land, for reals. I never told him this, but I think he finally figured it out after 6 months of my failure to engage with him on the topic. That's when he decided we should get a divorce without the help of an attorney. I let him make the decision of divorce, but I made the decision for myself that I needed a professional to handle communications with him. I am no longer willing to let his choices push me around and keep me off-kilter, or put me at risk.
Take care,
Fathom