Bluegangal - thank you, I need to be reminded that I am worth more, and yes, asking for emotional availability is not too much. I just need to process everything- I suppose now I am at a crossroads- I had decided to give a year of living sobriety before making any decisions, and now the year is up.....
Dandylion, thank you for your reply, and my heartfelt sympathy for your recent loss. Your question am I happy and content? Is one I shall take on board. Being born to 2 alcoholics, and married to one for 25years means that I have always put my feelings last on my list. Al Anon has taught me the importance of looking after myself, and though the theory makes sense, I have found it hard to put into practice. Still progress rather than perfection, A day at a Time and Keeping it Simple are all slogans that help me through the day?
I have been walking on eggshells, I do think that his actions seem to be a precursor to relapse- if it will be, it will be. For the moment I need to learn to say how I feel, not withholding in case it affects his sobriety.
My journey for the past couple of months has been one step forward, and three back. I need to bring the focus back to me, and stop letting him live rent free in my head.
Thank you again for your story and honesty,