Morning...ok today was the first day in a long long time I didn't wake with a sense of anxiety. There is no reason for me to feel anxious obviously, but even so I do. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night, sometimes I have to get dressed and go for a walk (and a smoke), but today...I just woke and thought about my plans to take care of myself and what a good idea that is.
I'm making a new big plan today for the junk food. That can go the same way as the cigarettes. I wasn't even sure the eating was an addiction, but when I got home last night I found myself raiding the cupboards for a sugar fix. When I started thinking seriously about how simple it would be just to kick this into touch the same way as the smoking....I started hearing the beast 'what the F do you think you're doing??? What are you going to do to have fun and de-stress now? You're doing all this way too fast...this will all start unravelling you know...you will end up DRUNK, you think you can cope with life? Well you're wrong, you're totally screwed up mentally and by cutting out all these supports you will have a breakdown and end up in a worse place than you were last year...and last year you were suicidal!!'
This was a serious beast tantrum. I listened to it..my heart started racing a bit. But it is ridiculous, it really is. It isn't true...giving up chocolate and cake will lead me to drinking?? Please!!
I am stronger than that. All it has done is prove to me the junk food HAS TO GO.