Hi Baloo. You've done well to reach out. It sounds like you know you have an alcohol problem. Are you attending AA? I'm wondering if perhaps all the energy you are focusing on the object of your affection is really a distraction so you don't have to face the necessary changes needed in your own life. She sounds very unhealthy and chaotic. If you truly want recovery those are the type of people you need to avoid. Please know I'm not saying any of this to frustrate you. My qualifier is my son. He is an addict. When he isn't doing what he knows in his heart he should be he tends to hyper focus on what others are doing wrong and what he feels they should be doing instead. It keeps him from the real issue at hand. His sobriety. If I might, I'd recommend really committing to your recovery. No more excuses...I believe with all my heart once you do your life will begin to change for the better. Just be careful...because people who are confidently committed to their own cause all of a sudden become more attractive. You may have to put some boundaries in place while you decide if she's someone you want to invest time and energy into at that point. Healthy attracts healthy. Wishing you strength in your journey. You can do it!