Ha ha...I'm good. No work this week, therefore no stress. I'm at home alone and just spent the morning making the house look presentable as most of the time I'm so busy it truly looks like someone just chucked a grenade through the front door..!!....so everything is neat and tidy, my head is in a good place and I'm really believing that cigarettes are gone FOR GOOD. I mean...I REALLY believe it!
Last night I was with this girl who smokes and the pair of us have made half-hearted pacts to quit together before. When I told her I'd quit, she laughed. My AV was right on that...'there you go, she thinks you're ridiculous, everyone will think you're ridiculous, because that's what you are...you never give up for longer than a few weeks, why are you making all this fuss this time??' Blah blah blah. I felt the anger again (I'm honestly not an angry person at all by nature. I never felt like this with drinking). I wanted to scream at my beast, but instead ended up being a bit snappy with her which was totally unfair...I told her this time was different and there would be no more smoking for me. I muttered a few horrible facts about dying from lung cancer which wasn't a terribly tactful conversation to have with a smoker, and I'm feeling a bit guilty about that.
But anyway, I thought about it this morning and actually my usual response in that conversation last night would have been to have laughed along with her...agreed that I was just giving it another go, I would probably soon be back smoking with her, wonder how long it would be before I caved this time, etc etc... But NO. There will be no more attempts.
This is it. I really feel it.
Wow!
Thanks for the tips about writing about the new me...actually I think it's the 'real' me rather than a new one I've decided. I will give it a go later.
Visiting the gym is on my list for this afternoon, I'm looking forward to it. Us badasses take care of ourselves don't we?!
Be back later x