“This is a fact. And a fact is the most stubborn thing in the world.”
― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita
Thank you again, Jeni, I've re-red your post - it's so inspiring. It allows me to see what I can't see.
It's ridiculous how this AV can misinterpret and pervert all my past experience.
I've cited "Master and Margarita" at the beginning of my post.
Facts, they are material, they can prove a lot.
Why is that AV is so fact-proof and pretends that facts are worthless?
It keeps convincing me that I am weak, gonna lose my sanity, that I well hide in my comfort zone to avoid facing fears.
But what about the facts, jerk?
Let's begin with one fact.
I am a big fan of horse-riding. A couple of years ago during my riding lesson the horse freaked out, reared back, bounced back its head, and hit me right in the face. The whop was so humming I was pretty sure my nose and some facial bones were broken. Pain was unbearable. I screamed bloody murder, the horse reared back again, and gave me another stroke. I finally jumped off, unfortunately right under its legs. I remember the horse's legs in front of my face, and me covering face with hands to protect it.
My head was bursting with pain.
I was extremely lucky. By combined mercy of my helmet and some miracle none of my bones were broken.
Half an hour later I got myself together and drove back home. Next day I woke up and had high temperature. I was sure I got concussion of the brain after such a stroke. I went to the doc, x-ray didn't show anything. I just got a huge bruise on my face. That's it.
I spent a week on a sick leave. Two weeks later I was back in the saddle. I was hell scared but I realized that if I'm going to go on with horse-riding I had to overcome the fear, and the sooner the better.
I was almost dying of fear. My mind generated vivid memories of the horse rearing back and hitting me. I almost felt the pain. I clinched my teeth.
It took me a month to recover emotionally. Though I still feel somewhat uncomfortable when a horse makes some upward movement with its head, I got back to my regular workouts.
Also, when I was learning to jump I did it on a horse that had quite a temper. It refused to jump - gained full speed and then all of sudden stopped right in front of a hurdle. I surely got my share of adrenaline back then, but every time I made it turn back and finally it jumped. I just played it cool, held reins tight, and stuck on the horse.
Why in the hell, AV is not convinced by these facts?
Or, maybe I just should follow the same pattern here - even though AV refuses to back off my best strategy is to play it cool, hold reins tight, and stick on the horse. And eventually I will make it over a hurdle.