Crazed: I totally understand where you're coming from. My ABF and I have the same agreement - he seemingly didn't care if I had a drink at social gatherings (and sometimes said it made him MORE uncomfortable if I didn't drink), but we've always had an agreement to leave as soon as he gets uncomfortable. I don't really mind, because I hate staying out late. That being said, I also miss the days of being able to casually enjoy a nice bottle of wine at dinner together (though, that longing fails to acknowledge the fact that for him it rarely stopped with a bottle of wine at dinner).
LexieCat: Thanks for your thoughts. I think you're right - this go around, I should just avoid drinking in front of him at all for the first year, regardless of what he says. Looking back, I can definitely remember what you identify as that false bravado of the newly sober. Keeping alcohol in the house is definitely something I would never even consider at this point or in the foreseeable future.
SamerrasMom: Thanks for sharing. It seems like it truly is a different experience for everyone, as you've indicated. I'll try to be sensitive to what my particular situation calls for or doesn't call for.
Honeybean: I agree. I never thought about how much of our social culture revolves around drinking until I became involved with an alcoholic. Being with an alcoholic has definitely caused me to drink much less and cast more of a critical eye toward the role of drinking in our society. A part of me has actually enjoyed finding activities for us to do together that aren't just the regular bar stuff. We see a ton of great movies, hike, and run. Not that we couldn't do that stuff otherwise, I guess.
atalose: Our setup seems similar to yours. I'm glad you brought up weddings - those are always interesting for us. We've only been to one together while ABF was not drinking, and it was one of my friend's weddings, so he didn't really know anyone there. I think he was pretty uncomfortable. He spent a lot of time walking around outside, and I could tell he was getting anxious, but didn't want to say anything because he knew I was having fun with my friends. I'm hopeful that he'll get more comfortable in that setting, and maybe it would help if it were his friends and family.
thislonelygirl: Thanks for sharing. That sounds like a good strategy. I'm thinking myself of just ceasing drinking in front of ABF at all.
SolTraveler: Thanks for your thoughts. I'm okay with never being able to have alcohol in the house (though I wish people would stop BRINGING IT OVER AS GIFTS. I always just bring it directly upstairs to my neighbor friend when they leave). I guess I'll just take it as it comes.
1newcreation: Thanks for your perspective. I definitely can't understand what's going on with him, and right now, I'm grateful that he's been going to AA meetings. I hope that he will continue to progress in his recovery, though I've tried to put that all on him this time. Thanks again for sharing.
lillamy: I think you're spot on with the peanuts analogy. And I think seeing what ABF has gone through has definitely changed my perspective on alcohol also. I was really kind of a party girl before all this, and now I'm like...everyone's mom, if I even go out at all. Sigh. Thanks.