lily, maybe you are having a crisis of faith. I don't believe that is a BAD thing, quite the opposite. what IS it I truly believe and what IS my Higher Power to me aka Step Two and Three and where do I go from here? do we ask too much or not enough?
when Jesus was in the Garden, he had himself a chat with God...the Anvil translation....um God my Father, Jesus here, are you SURE this is the only way? maybe a little Divine Intervention, just smote them or something? I know you have a plan here, but does it have to be ME? I've lived now as flesh and blood for 30 years, with all the fears and sadness and anguish of the corporeal existence, and I'm Afraid to Die, scared spitless. I've got a bunch of good faithful holy men with me, any chance one of them could take over?
According to all four Gospels, immediately after the Last Supper, Jesus took a walk to pray (John 18:1). Matthew and Mark identify this place of prayer as Gethsemane. Jesus was accompanied by the Apostles Peter, John and James, whom he asked to stay awake and pray. He moved "a stone's throw away" from them, where He felt overwhelming sadness and anguish, and said "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass me by. Nevertheless, let it be as you, not I, would have it." Then, a little while later, He said, "If this cup cannot pass by, but I must drink it, your will be done!" (Matthew 26:42). He said this prayer three times, checking on the three apostles between each prayer and finding them asleep. He commented: "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak". An angel came from heaven to strengthen him. During his agony as he prayed, "his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down upon the ground".(Luke 22:44).
growing up I always thought that when He said the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, he meant the sleeping apostles. but today I see that he was hoping for a little support and hoping that maybe if they were awake and with him, perhaps they could take the cup that was to be passed. He said that prayer and then ran to check on the apostles three times! HIS spirit was willing, but HIS flesh was weak. He was having a crisis of faith, a BIG one!!!
and what happened? an "angel" was sent to give him strength. in His darkest hour, when He was questioning God's Will and while it was not mentioned, probably ready to bail over the wall of the Garden and make a run for it, THAT is when He was given strength.
pretty powerful lesson there, don't ya think?