yes! oh anvil you are so smart.
what pissed me off most is...
I haven't picked up weed in months. I haven't dropped acid or eaten mushrooms in years.
I have been 100% clean since January. I haven't been drunk since July last year.
But Im "not an addict" cuz I have control. I can choose not to. according to his family and him. I didn't go to rehab to get clean.
ummmm no. I can't stay clean. My friends used to get irritated about me becoming a Jesus freak again and becoming obsessed with the beattitudes and going to Celebrate Recovery all the time.
I told them look girls. I did drugs a long time. The only thing keeping me off of psychedelics weed and alcohol is God. I showed them the chapter in the Big Book the family afterward. They get it now. They try to. I love God. God saved me.
He wants a trophy for showing up to church clean??? a pat on the back? where is mine????
Im selfish to!!!
I want to be numb. I want to catch a buzz. I want to escape.
I just traded chemicals for codependency.
I don't. and nobody cares and I don't anyway.
God cares. I care. My children will care when they are older.
ugh... where is this anger coming from? I haven't even talked to him or his family today. My head is just spinning. I want out.
having a sick day.
but a good day.
Today. No Contact. Today. No picking up for me. Today. No walking in darkness.
ugh!!!! ahhhggghh!!!!
Im just feining. And this is the wrong board to do it on but I don't care.
Im no better than any of them.