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Old 05-25-2013, 12:29 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
nowme
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 439
I went to the 24 hr. thread and posted there. I'm going to commit to that 24 hrs. But now I have the voice saying.. You messed up, you have tried to quit a trillion times, it's not going to work, you don't want it bad enough, you fail at everything you try..
I'm trying to not give up but it is really, really hard. I don't want to be the alcoholic drug addict!!
If I weren't on probation I m not sure where I would be right now.
I mean I'm not using because I don't want to break my probation, pretty pathetic!
I want to be the person who doesn't use because they don't want to, not vecause they have no choice.
I'm going to jail next sat. For ten days because of a DUI. Why can't I just be through with through with this B.S?
Is it going to take be locked up for the rest of my life, my husband leaving me, my mom never wanting me in her life again? I won't be able to handle that si why can't I just say enough is enough?
I want to get up and knock my opponent out forever!!!!(midnightblue) I don't want to be in the ring for the rest of my life!!! Beat her to a bloody pulp!!
I'm not violent but I am feeling pretty violent about this addictive personality.
Someone posted somewhere how they are constantly addicted to something, I am that person!!
Valerian tea
Sleepy time tea
Melatonin
Hot fudge
Petting/ giving my dogs so much attention my husband wonders why I don't give HIM that much attention
Yesterday I went fishing and everyone was ready and I said, NO I have to catch one more fish, I caught another one and said well, just one more and it went on until my husband finally said, we need to go back. I would have stayed out in the lake forever.
The list goes on:
Cheese
Exercise
Camping
Hiking
Swimming
I don't think I can do anything in moderation
I try but it is like I have to have one thing that I keep doing, if it is healthy, if it is not healthy it doesn't really matter.
It's like I have to consume myself with stuff.
Searching for new music, I become obsessed, it's so scary???
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