thank you everyone for your kind words and welcomes. I so badly needed it today.
Stupidly, I brought up the fact that he said again last night that he does too much around here and that is part of the reason he drank.
Stupid, because here I sit, bawling my eyes out again.
Funny how he can be sober and still behave like that.
Somehow, he is able to bring up all the things I do wrong under the guise of "helping our marriage" and when I do I am being "petty". "It takes two to tango" is his favourite phrase, meaning I am always at least half responsible for everything, including why he drank.
Nothing is going to change, and I need to accept that.
So here I will sit and keep quiet, I will not bring it up again. I don't know anymore. I can't leave, no one in my family has ever left their spouse and to do so would make me an outcast, and I promised DH if he worked on being sober I would support him 110%. My family adores him.
On top of it, I know I won't be able to get a chance to have that shower I needed yesterday, because I don't want to leave the baby with him - it would just be another thing he "does" for me.
He wasn't like this when we married, he wasn't like this when our daughter was little ... and it must have been me who made him like this.
who says only alcholics hit bottom.