Welcome back Ryan. We're so glad you returned.
I've had duis too. I understand how low you're feeling right now. You can rise above this awful time in your life and live again in a new way. I remember feeling the shame and guilt, too - but it was holding me down and keeping me from moving forward. I had to forgive myself. It sounds like you're ready to do this. Please keep posting and reading here. The bad days will pass and you'll come out of this.