To Threshold and Sabotage no More, you have both given me food for thought, thank you.
I've always tended to be a people pleaser, and at times it has worn on me, and I would stuff away resentments with booze.
It's not so much that I'm afraid of uncomfortable dialogue if I say no to whatever, it's more that a friend may just cut me out of her life if I try to maintain my boundaries and I only have a couple of girlfriends i see not too often, and I feel lonely and isolated as it is. That happened a year ago with one friend, when i tried to assert myself, long story, and she didn't talk to me for at least 6 months, and I drank more then i was so unhappy.
We have repaired our friendship, thankfully.
The friend I met with last night, she always asks me to do cat care, plant and lawn care when she goes away, even though she has a bunch of friends who live closer than me who could help. I think she thinks its good for me cos im single and not working, her other friends are married with kids etc, but I do have a life! oh wait! well, yes, im looking forward to really living, haha! She's going away for 3 weeks this July, and I plan to tell her that I will happily help for one week, but she must ask others to cover the other 2 weeks. I remember last year when I was on duty for 2 weeks, I felt so resentful by the end of the time that I drank multiple drinks from her booze cabinet, so much so that I was wasted, seeing double, had to get a cab home. I feel terrible thinking about it now, so not the way I want to deal with life's stressors.
[B]i have a voice!![B] I can use it!
Thank you everyone, yes the fog is lifting and I am learning day by day.