Step 2 of my Big Plan. Who’s This No-Binge-Eating Midnight - what is she like?
Ok, I think it's high time to picture and visualize the Badass Version of MidnightBlue.
I have to remind that Addictive Voice - IT IS NOT ME, it's just a voice.
It is voice that manipulates me to get what it wants. Like a cardsharper it pulls fake trump cards out of its sleeve and uses them as a way to threaten me, diminish, devaluate my life and convince that I don't deserve to reach my goals and make dreams come true.
First, let’s list what she leaves behind, what she leaves to her AV and her addiction. Things for which there's no place at the New Version since these are trump cards of my AV:
- Sense of guilt;
BTW, why is that sense of guilt is often considered to be kind of "redemption" for doing something wrong.
Working to be a better person, avoiding making mistakes again, making this world better place STARTING WITH MYSELF AND BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE THAT LIFE CAN BE GREAT WITHOUT BOOZE AND JUNK FOOD - that is really making this world better place. I believe so. How can I make this world better place by constant self-punishing and feeling guilty?
If someone wants me to feel that way, then that someone just tries to manipulate me.
- Regrets;
- Self-doubt, lack of self-trust;
- Fears and wounds that originate from the past and block future development;
- "I don't deserve" and "I am not good enough" BS;
- Blinders that my AV puts on me and makes follow the same addictive pattern day in and day out and think it's "normal".
- Humbleness - I am too worried about other people would think if do it my own way and disapprove of it- and that stands between me and my goals, that makes me seek and nervous, and AV is hell glad to use it;
- Constant comparison with other people - my AV always finds a way to put other people in more favorable light. They have happy families, succeed in business, etc. And if compared to literally everyone, I am just a big time loser.
AV has a lot of tricks to lead me away from my goal and dreams. Like
“You will never be THAT awesome beautiful as supermodels, so what's the use sweating in the gym and depriving yourself of "little sweets of life"?
“Your future is so vague and uncertain, so go grab an opportunity to indulge yourself in these cookies or chocolate while it is granted to you;
“You shouldn't dare and challenge yourself. You are just a little girl from a poor family and should know “your place” and not to aim too high”
But, Badass Version is not fooled by all these tricks.
Badass Midnight is aware it's just tricks used by AV to get what it wants.
It's just dirty tricks to create such an environment inside my mind that makes me believe all this.
So, who's No-Binge-Eating Midnight (and again, I will borrow some words that Freshstart said to Jeni):
- Smart;
- Stunning and gorgeous;
- Self-possessed, graceful,
- Classy, well-mannered;
- She looks fresh, pleasant company;
- Someone deserving of respect.
- She knows she deserves good life and reaching her goals and dreams;
- She accepts herself just as she is not comparing to others;
- She is free from blinders and explores new opportunities and new horizons. She can challenge herself out of the comfort zone every day because she strong enough. She is titanium. She is BADASS.
- She doesn’t care what other people say and think about her. It's not her business. She has every right to live her own life in her own way;
- She trusts myself, respects herself, and believes in herself.
And of course, this New Midnight - “She is BADASS. Don't mess with her, she is just that good. Out of her way, onyer bike, mate”.
So, here’s my step two. Let's get started)