Great to have you with us neagrm x.
Not sure I have any great words of advice, but I can certainly relate to the need to care for ourselves in healthy ways. My drinking was always a form of self-harm, well certainly towards the end of my drinking career anyway. I had reached the point of hating the stuff, and only using it when I was so full of self-loathing that I would deliberately set out to get drunk and not care what happened as a result. It is during the times that I feel great frustration or inadequacy in myself that I've been most at risk of relapsing. No fantasies about wanting a glass of wine with dinner for me or trying to convince myself that I could probably moderate this time...no, I get angry and cross with myself for whatever reason and want to get totally plastered and not give a F about the consequences.
I think I realised that my issues ran a whole lot deeper than just abusing alcohol and I've been in therapy for a few months now. That was by far the scariest thing I've ever undertaken because my need to drink to blot stuff out has been turned on its head a bit by confronting my demons. Anyway, although I will admit to thinking about it still in stressful times now, I'm a long way from actually doing it any more.
The smoking seems a whole different ball game to me. I'm not punishing myself by doing that in the same way I did drinking. It's just an addiction. Pure and simple. And I want to be a non-smoker and a generally healthier person for me and for my kids. It still seems so hard at the moment though. My AV is forever changing tactics...today I had the 'you will never be able to relax without a cigarette' and I'm half-believing that one because that's what I relaxed with all the time. I'm going to have to make some really big lifestyle changes, and I'm not sure I have the commitment to do all that at the moment. I need to find motivation from somewhere!!