Hi. I need some input from others who have done this.
Hi. I haven't been on in a while. Things have been very hectic.
I have an AXBF.
We broke up last summer. He was jobless and after the breakup I made clear my plans to leave. He freaked out, "no, I don't want to be homeless, I don't want our daughter to see me like that...just wait until I get a job and get on my feet". He had been on unemployment for 2 years. Didn't look for a job.
You can probably guess how that has gone.
He got a job in the fall. Was fired by NYE. Got a job in March? Quit this month. I am moving out next month, with our daughter.
You all really helped me last year when I was super struggling.
So thank you.
Right now, I feel like I'm playing on the mood swings.
I'm elated to be moving out of this apartment, out of this situation, away from him, he's been so unpredictible, maybe he's drinking at 6am, maybe he's crying over dinner, maybe he's surly or maybe he's just sleeping on the freaking couch ALL DAMN DAY. So, I've been taking my kid to work with me in the am, then taking her to school, picking her up, losing hours, sometimes he's reliable, sometimes he's freaking wasted at 3pm. I foolishly keep thinking that just because he's here, he's HERE? Do you know what I mean? That he will step in and help and he doesn't. And then I'm angry. And it's only 9am, at this point of my day, lol.
I have detached, I don't take his rants personally or try to engage him when he's wasted or aggro. I try to say, he's this person, he's not the person I thought he was, to expect him to be this other person is kind of irrational. And it's helped. A lot. I used to just be livid and having panic attacks all day. I can't fix hiim.
Thanks for that. I'm not sure I understand the detaching fully but, it's working for me!
He keeps saying he's going to end up in the mental institution, he suffers from PTSD due to abusive AF? I don't know if it's a play for sympathy? He's a super awesome manipulator. I try to deal with him from a healthy distance. But he's my daughter's dad. I told him if he is worried about his mental health, that a hospital is the best place to go. I don't know where he's going to live. I fear that after I move, he will not be a part of our daughter's life at all. I'm sorry, I'm kind of deconstructing here! On one hand, would it be that bad if he were not a part of her life? On the other, I'm out here alone, my family is hours and hours away, his family is so out of touch. I think his mom has cut him off, from the way he is ranting about her. And it's somehow HER fault? Like she's a terrible mom? He's 37. His dad left him a huge amount of money and he spent it all. He has nothing. Why is it her fault? I know I can't expect logic from him.
And the lies infuriate me. Why lie to me? Why? I'm leaving. The other day he was freaking out about how he hates this city (we had to leave the last city b/c he burned too many bridges and was actually in danger from skinheads or something?). We need to move to other cities. Not toghther, but as a family? And I was just like, Um...no...our kid's in school here. I have a job here. I love it here. She has friends....we're not leaving.
How would moving make it better?
And then I'm back to YAY I'm moving!!! After months (years, really) of looking, I found a place and I'm so excited and there's a yard and a decent kitchen, a block away from a couple of coffee shops! I can have a bottle of wine in the house again! I can watch Dr. Who till the cows come home! And How I met Your Mother! And I don't have to listen to hardcore music at 4am anymore!!! No drunk guy on my couch yelling at me for being too loud as I get myself and child ready for work/school!!! Yay!!!!
Does that make sense?