Are you changing anything in your life? If you're not, how can you be surprised? Stop wallowing in self pity, pick your chin up and get yourself to a meeting. Get there early and stay late. Meet some people, get some numbers and call them BEFORE you drink. Why are you not posting here BEFORE you drink? Stop making excuses and get honest with yourself. The only power you have is before the first drink. Is it simple? Yes! Is it easy? No! Can you do it? Only if you're willing to ask for help and stop relying on your self will to get you through this.