((soberlicious)) I am throwing it all out there on the internet for the world to "see". You are an amazing inspiration to me...
That you could do it all and stay sober gives me hope.
fini- I really do hope it gets easier to deal with "not having control". Last night I slept about two hours and have now broken out in hives.... not dealing well. For years I was in therapy for anxiety and OCD. I finally learned that I have to stop all of this circular thinking.. control is all an illusion. I can control very few things. One of things I CAN control is how I deal with not having control. Make sense?
So, I still have 6 days before she has this test done. Probably two weeks before I know anything. I am going to have to figure out a way to deal with my thinking until then. Going "all circular in my head", not eating, sleeping etc... not to mention these stupid ugly hives... is not going to cut it for another two weeks. I need a new strategy. Read alot last night in my mindfullness book: "Live in the moment"... "meditate"... "remain calm and accept"... "just breathe". All wonderful and very good suggestions that I am going to attempt to encompass into my day. Also planning a weekend getaway with my teenager and allowing myself a pass on having the extra cigarette here and there. I was in the process of switching to using solely my e-cig but, I think I may need to make that a lesser priority right now...
As for my beast and I we remain at odds but, it is seemingly aware that drinking is not really an option for me. By that, last night thoughts of drinking were not nearly as "urgent"... It was more like (it) "wouldn't it be great to have a drink... forget all this for a while"....(me)"not so much because it will make tomorrow far worse. Actually seems like a pretty dumb idea". That was that.
Being happily sober is not really about just not drinking for me. Though not drinking is contingent on nothing..... being "at peace" (on the other hand) is contingent, for me, on learning how to cope "normally". I got a long way to go.
Well, should get to doing the actual job they are paying me to do...lol... check in later.