legna

Glad this has been revived.

This is how addiction manifests itself in Jon. While the behavior may be similar, this does not accurately describe me.

If we were completely powerless then stopping enabling would be fruitless. We can change the addicts behavior by changing how we interact with them.

This was not true for me, nor was it true for those men whose 5th step I've listened to. When I was jonesing for a fix, this was absolutely true - but after I got one; after the dope sick moment had passed, all I thought about was what a piece of sh*t I was for caving again. You know, kind of like a codie feels when they break no contact after they swore to themselves that they wouldn't this time. Every addict I worked with has described the same self loathing that crept in after the beast had been temporarily silenced.

I get it - this is a nice, neat, oversimplified and easily digested piece of work, but reality is simply more complicated than this. Lizard brain is incapable of love and demands feeding the addiction - prefrontal cortex is capable of love, shame, guilt, etc. During withdrawal - lizard brain kicks in. In the lull between using and withdrawal - shame, guilt, self loathing, etc., kicks in. There is nothing to feel shame or guilt over if we hurt someone we don't care about. Shame, guilt and self-loathing occur precisely because we love.

Same as above. I will feed the beast at your expense - and mine as well, but to say that it doesn't faze me is simply untrue. All the self-hatred comes from somewhere....this is it.

Agreed.

This is a choice - not the addicts choice, but ours. If I consider myself a victim, then yeah I'll be hurt again and again. If I understand it for what it is, then the addicts behavior is no more hurtful than my grandmother's alzheimers when she screams at me and tells me to get out of her room because she doesn't know who I am. It's sad to witness but it isn't personal.