See that's the issue here Pond. Its kind of up to hubby to break it to his parents that "Guess what guys. We are not staying with you because you are filthy, your house is filthy, disgusting and we will not expose our son to that"
I've told my one sil in the past that I developed a really bad cold thanks to staying at their house and amusingly enough she agreed and says her hubby was disgusted when living with them too.
That's the difference between my parents and hubbys parents. First my parents house is pretty clean. Mom spends anytime not watching tv or drinking, cleaning the house.
Now it's not as spotless as when I was a kid but it's still relatively dust free, the sheets are clean, there is no mold, and its an environment (cleanliness wise) that I would feel okay subjecting my son to.
I don't like the alcohol bit but I will be there to shield my son from it and use it as a teaching tool for him in the future. (ex. putting him to bed talking about how grandmas voice is slurring and she's acting all funny. That's what alcohol does to you sweetheart. It makes your mind not exactly work right.)
Also my parents appreciate private space or personal space. My Mom or Dad would never even think to just walk in to an occupied bathroom or bedroom, at least without knocking.
I think what rankles my mother and father in law about when we stay somewhere where we are in a separate hotel room is they can't just waltz in. It bugs them that there is a locked door between us.
My sil who used to live right nearby my mother and father in law (about a 2 minute walk) used to complain because her parents would throw a fit when she locked the doors because they couldn't come to her house and drink the coffee and watch tv there.
When she wasn't home.
There would be no way I could live like that.
My God, I can only imagine, DH and I both get off from work, get into a little "afternoon delight" and in walk the in laws. Well HELLO!
LOL LMAO.
No THANK YOU!
I told hubby yesterday that look, they will never change. They will always do this. They have always done this. He was complaining yesterday that why do we always have to argue about this.
I told him its simple. They want to be able to tell you and I exactly what to do, where to stay, how to think. And now, we are adults. They don't agree with a lot of what we do and that's fine but they cannot expect us to do everything they want.
We are adults now. Not children.
Reminded him this is a good lesson for US in the future for our own son.
When he gets older and starts making many decisions for himself, we might not agree with them. We might not like it. But when our son is 18 it is our time to no longer interfere as much. It is his time to make decisions. They might be a bad or good decision but he will learn over time.
That's the way life is!
His parents will be upset. His parents feelings will get hurt.
His parents will be disapointed but you know what?
They will get over it. They always do.
So I believe we will stay firm with our decision to stay in a hotel in Memphis rather than staying with family. Only issue is I have warned hubby, they will do their very best to make him feel as guilty as possible. They always do. Every single time we visit. They all clobber him with guilt. His parents, his older sister, his brother. They tackle him and yell at him and tell him he is the worst brother, son ever in existance. And he sucks it in and doubts himself.
And it sickens me.
I have spent 20+ years telling him he's a great guy, a good husband, a wonderful man. The first 5-10 years of our marriage he really didn't believe me. He looked for bad things to fall into his life, believing that he deserved it. That he deserved to take the blame for everything. 20 years ago he would've probably said he feels responsible for the tornadoes in Oklahoma recently. It was that bad.
So when I watch them pound on him I so wish he would one day stand up and yell "I WILL NOT TAKE THIS ANY LONGER!"
Maybe one day in the future it'll happen? Don't know.
I hope it will but only time will tell.
Did have something to drink last night. A limonata. Shared it with DS. No, not alcoholic. Its a lemon italian soda pop.
I got some hugs. I talked with hubby, quietly. We went over our camping trip scheduled in August.
We unwound from our work day. Decompressed. Hubby started reading a book last night (cheated actually, he had the book read to him) all about homesteading. I'm reading a book about a guy who gets stranded when trying to drive home from a business trip.
DS expressed his desire to start reading Harry Potter. He's started reading "chapter books" as he calls them.
I'm very proud of him! Told him "chapter books" are lots of fun! Amazing stories happen in them and his brain will make it even more amazing because his brain can imagine even more crazy things than you can see in the movies!
Still here, still sober. And very grateful today.