Jess,
one thing's for sure: your mom will die.
one day or another, some day she will die.
so you can get rid of any thought about "if my mom dies"...because that's a certainty.
knowing that's going to happen for sure, maybe that will help with seeing that none of that relates to you drinking.
and there will always be "opportunities" your "beast" will find if it wants them (you know i don't do the beast-stuff, so i have to put it in "" ...).
and beer is just beer. not "fancy" or "happy" or "summery". these are things YOU added. or your "beast". something you imbue the stuff with. the stuff itself is just a liquid; it has none of those things you attribute to it any more than old dishwater is fancy or happy or summery....
just thought i'd point these things out.
you did GREAT!
Just sat and accepted that I was sad.
YES! that was doable and you did it.
now you know you can. even if it feels as crappy sad as can be.
you sat and accepted and stayed sober and here you are.
I am not even sure what my point is. Am I telling on myself because I plan on drinking or am I just kind of lost? Idk.
these threads are for sharing what's going on, what's on our minds, putting things out there...no need to have a specific "point" if you're not sure why you posted...
do you think you're planning on drinking? why would you?
very sorry about the worry about your mom and i hope things will be alright or fixable.
Jess, really, i do think this is the way it's done. sitting with things and feelings and learning that that is okay. learning that we can survive that. going from there. coming here and talking about it. doing those things IS doing sobriety.
it gets easier.
you're doing it.