I was in the same boat as you, as I am also bipolar. It made me drink to feel normal. And it worked. For awhile, then, I spiraled into the throughs of addiction.
I've managed to stay sober for two years five months.
I was a great one for not showing up, too. All the lost opportunities lost.
I suggest you get treatment for your illness. Most all counties have mental health clinics. I've never had to pay a dime for excellent treatment I've received for my mental illness.
I feel for you because I've been there. But you can get sober if you have the willingness.
Keep post here do whatever it takes don't use bipolar as an excuse to drink anymore.
Best to you.