Jkb - please think about this. I know how you feel. My mom (and best friend) passed away over a year ago and I spent the time she was sick not giving a f*** about myself. (Not saying that will be your mom's story though.) In hindsight I wish I had held it together more to be there for her and not cause her more suffering watching me drink myslef into a stupor every night. Since she passed I have (a) admitted to myself I am an alcoholic and (b) realised the only 'cure' is not to drink anymore. I have not succeeded in that yet. Don't sabotage yourself now, you are where I want to be.