Thanks Fini. Good observations. Such as the possibility that one can have some hidden reason not to have one's "defects" or as you say "defenses" removed. There is an even greater likelihood if "removal" is interpreted, consciously or subconsciously, as imperiling one's continued access to the drink supply!
Despite all this, however, my impression, faulty as it may be, is that even after 25 years of sobriety, many of what I call my "personality characteristics" (which certainly played a role, along with genetics, in steering me into alcoholism, many of these "characteristics" (e.g. compulsive-obsessive perfectionism, sensitivity to criticism, shyness, introversion) still survive. They have not been "removed" and maybe they cannot be "removed". Maybe they are "me". But sobriety has at least enabled me to see them more clearly, and to cope with them, to say "easy does it", "one day or one thing at a time", "if you can't change it then don't try" and, above all, don't be too proud to seek help.
How can I expect to have them "removed" entirely? If these are "defects" and if all the "defects" are removed by some "higher power" then might I not end up like Icarus, flying too close to the sun, which melted the wings made of wax? Is it more probable that only in death may we hope for perfection and then only by forgiveness from some one or some thing beyond our understanding? Meanwhile, I must cope with what I am, imperfect, "defective" if you will, but trying to understand, trying to cope, and thankful that sobriety has made all of this so much easier!
None of this is really important. It's a little like driving a car. You don't really need to look inside the engine or fully understand what makes it work. You just have to be able to steer it, keep it on the right path and it helps to play a little music while you go along. Sobriety is like that. You can talk about "defects" or "removal" or whatever. If it makes sense and keeps you sober that's what's important, that's what it's all about.
W.