Thanks everyone for welcome, I needn't have worried about posting again. I really mean business this time, I'm doing this to save my life, for myself, if it causes some other things to end well maybe that's not so bad. I'ts been staying in this so called "comfort" zone all these years that's got me to this hell.
Went to Dr start of year and was referred to counsellor, went a couple of times but not for me though I appreciate it can be a great help to others, but the fact that I tried made me realise no one else can stop drinking for me. I have to change things and I am going to with your help please SR, no matter what OH does. thanks. x