You seem to be progressing through the stages of AVRT that I did, Jen, but much more quickly than I. The real final nail in your separation from your AV is turning your decision, your Big Plan, into a moral issue, just as you have done there.
I now imagine driving while impaired and killing someone which I find morally repugnant. You have found your own key that you can use to lock this away forever, and it relates to an agony and a grief for your kids which is within your power to prevent.
Well done, Jen.