I know you're sincere, HP, so I don't mean this to be snarky... but are you having fun? I've sensed in your posts sometimes the same profound emptiness I felt the last few years I was drinking. Sorry if I'm just projecting here, but for me drinking wasn't really fun anymore. It was just a brief respite from that emptiness. The thing is, it wasn't a cure at all. It was the cause.
It's a lot more fun on the other side — that came as a total shock to me, but after I had put a few months between me and my last drink, things got enjoyable. Exciting, actually. Bright and new. But that's not even the best part. The best part is being content. Not needing anything at all. Just enjoying the moment. I never had that before, not even after drinking everything in sight.
Give it everything you've got, because it's absolutely worth it.