Thank you black bird and inperfectlyme! I have had times that my daughter asks if she can have a friend over and I have to say no because I got so drunk I neglected to clean or do anything, and the house looked like trash. I have also said awfully inappropriate things to people. Often, when I first get up in the morning I rush to my phone/Facebook to see what I might have said to someone while drunk the night before. I have been so embarrassed. But thanks for the encouragement. I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do if anything. Right now my life is a series of either complete brokenness, or flying sky high happy. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.