Sometimes during arguments, the tempers run hot, and it's hard to settle down...she may have thought you were being condescending if you don't normally talk like that. Give it time, and keep being consistent with your new approach, so she knows it's for real. In time, she might calm down quicker, and the two of you can have some productive back-and-forth discussion instead of arguments. She's still used to the "before" hubby, and maybe needs to warm up to this new guy....good luck, it should get better now that you're sober and thinking clearer. Good times ahead!
(P.S. this is just my two cents worth, but I thought I could give another perspective....)