Well... I'm an alcoholic woman and newly sober. I'm also married. So I don't know if my try at advice will be helpful or not- it's NEVER OKAY to be abused verbally, physically, or mentally. NEVER OKAY. Whether he's drunk or not- not okay. NO excuse. Manipulating someone aka lying, so you can placate them and continue poor behavior is not okay. Many alcoholics do, and I've been on both sides in the past. BUT it's not okay. Threatening physical harm- NOT OKAY. Being ditched and not cared for when your ill, whilst the other individual allows you to care for their needs- is selfish and not okay. My opinion, in my native tongue- that man ain't doin' right by you.
I think maybe some space would be good and if he wants you back- rules and boundaries. If he can't tow the line, you're out. It's NOT about controlling him. It's about not allowing yourself to be hurt by someone who's not treating you the way ANY human deserves to be treated.
I have put up with way more than I should've in the past. If that's the best he can treat you- you can do way better. I'm sorry for what you're going through. Be strong!!!