Day 4, survived the night
Well, I got through last night without drinking right alongside my husband. I can't count how many times I just said screw it and caved because he was drinking. He's not very nice when he's drinking, and somehow I've convinced myself that if I drink, either I won't be bothered by his comments/attitude or I'll at least be drinking part of his stash so he won't get quite so bad. Stupid rationalizations. Last night I focused on how bad it smelled...how he didn't pay attention to the kids...how he was drunk dialing...how he was talking to me....and it all made me realize how much I did NOT want to act like that. It hurts to watch it and live in it, but it's not worth numbing it out and acting exactly the same. Besides, he's had to watch me act like that a lot more than I've had to watch him.
I'm definitely feeling a lot less foggy. Sleep is still elusive, but coffee takes off most of the grogginess. I've also been really trying to eat better, too - I drank most of my calories before. Like seriously, almost ALL of my calories came from booze and whatever I was mixing it with (if my mixer even had any calories). Now I'm on a banana/veggie/whole grain/protein laden diet, and I really think my body is thanking me.
Slowly, slowly, taking it easy. Living in the moment, breathing in the scents, noticing my space. Proceeding with caution.