I’ve posted about this, elsewhere, but wanted to post it here to let those who are new to recovery, not yet in recovery, or have been recovering for a while see how things really do work out!
Six years ago, I had lost my nursing career to addiction. I contemplated going back to school, something else in healthcare but not dealing with patients. For about 2 years, I thought about it. Filled with shame, regret, etc. over how I messed up, I didn’t feel like I was “worthy” of trying something new.
Finally signed up with an online school and there were no deadlines, I didn’t put much effort into it and then found out it wasn’t accredited with the organization I need for certification. Waste of time and money.
I then researched schools, found one that would work, and applied for financial aid. I had done tremendous damage to my financial situation and having to ask for financial aid was humbling, to say the least.
((Anvilhead)) and others here can attest to my procrastination in the beginning, my whining, my panic every single test/semester, etc.
I worked at McDonald’s for a couple of years, had a nice little part time job that I lost when the company got bought out. Quit McD’s when I found my backbone again and realized I did NOT have to be verbally abused by a manager.
Panicked over being unemployed, but it gave me time to finish up my last semester and spend quality time with my sick kitty (Elvis) who I had to put down a month after I finished school. At the time, I was in full panic mode, but now I see things worked out like they should.
I now work as a caregiver for clients who have alzheimers and am back to reminding myself that I have to set boundaries.
I graduated, this past Thursday, with honors! I am studying for my certification test next month. This field is hard to get into without experience, but with all I’ve gotten through in the past 6 years? I’m not really worried. As long as I keep doing the “next right thing” stuff works out, though granted it’s not nearly as fast as I would like it to!
I am still going to have to answer questions about why I left nursing. My license shows “lapsed” but there are several former employers who will say “no, we would not rehire her”. This used to put me in a panic. Today? I’ve got a lot of good references, personal and professional. I am no longer wearing the “badge of guilt” about what I did. It’s in the past, and to be honest, I’m a better person for what I went through.
Soooooo, to all those who struggle with “is THIS all there is to recovery?!?!” as I did? Bad days come and go. Life throws us some heavy curve balls some times. Getting through those times and not using/drinking makes us stronger, though it sometimes takes a while to see that.
I’m sorry this is so long, but I would not be where I am today, if it weren’t for all of you. When I walked across that stage, you were all with me, so thank you
Hugs and prayers,
Amy