OK>>> oops! I posted this with out reading two extra pages.. sorry if this is been gone over already.. 
I have told him that I do not see this change lasting. He says I only see the negative in him and never anything positive. That I should put alittle effort into making this work, and show him that I still love him even alittle. That it would make things alot easier. He knows I want to leave BUT won't believe it and only sees us as being together and happy.
This sure sounds like a loving caring guy... or not. I've heard this same thing so many times.
I'M doing everything right.
I'M working on it, but it's
YOU. It's still your fault in his eyes.
I don't say it to be crude or insensitive, just that I've heard this type of thing so many times. I've yet to see this happen, but for
me.. if I had unjustly put my hands on someone that I love and wanted to earn their trust and love back, I sure would be willing, able and patient enough for them to take the time they need to heal and recover emotionally. There can't be a time stamp on that. If he LOVES you so much he should see that you can't just sweep it under the rug and be all cuddly and lovey with him. To me (opinion only) this jump to tell you you're being negative while he does all the hard work is just another control tactic. Some of us affectionately call this honeymoon period the "hoover maneuver".
If you explained to him that yes you want to make it work and you appreciate him trying but that it's going to take you some time.. (if you even feel that way). You'll see the truth come pouring out.. either he'll make excuses about how he's not going to wait around forever, not going to give up everything.. yadda yadda yadda.. or he'll say I understand and actually wait for you, without smothering you.
Just my opinion, but I'm really with the others. Please make a safety plan for yourself. The false facade only holds on for so long. (hugs)