I can also relate to that feeling of 'sadly I don't remember what I said'.....
Non-me and my husband lived like that FOR YEARS...
Some mornings, I felt such regret and anxiety about that 'something' I knew I had done, there was total sadness in the air and an uncomfortable scrambling in my brain to attempt to put together the fragments of memories. I couldn't even say sorry because I had no idea what I was apologising for.
For us, things were further complicated by the fact that he was an alcoholic too.
We drank away those feelings for many many years.
It was no life...there is a much better way to deal with things. Don't waste precious times, don't throw away those relationships you have around you. It is evident that you love your wife very much...don't take her understanding for granted. You deserve better. And so does she.
Me and my H got sober together after 21 years of drinking together. A lifetime of 'sadly I don't remembers....'. It could so easily have been different.
Best wishes to you x