and for some odd reason have been fighting back tears for the last 3 hours; ; ironically almost exactly when the packie opened :p Been fighting the urge all day .. a very strong urge .. Have started several post then deleted before I posted; answered a few . Then have just read some more . This is harder then I wanted it to be; but I am sure I am not the only one who thinks or has thought that . There is no reason for me to drink; the pain I feel is minimal today; well compared to the norm . My worries and anxiety is extremely high though and that is getting too much for me . The fact my pain is so minimal opens the door to that long shameful walk & honestly want to take it . I haven't put shoes on yet; or woke the cats from there front porch perch though; so that is a good sign. I was smart enough to buy extra smokes yesterday so as not to have to go again today . I would take a walk; but I really fear it will turn into "that" walk . Maybe not out of thought at first but instinct . Don't mind my ramblings; just trying to stay sober for another few minutes at this point .. In an earlier response I opened up more then I think I have opened up to ANYONE, other then 1 person I should say; (including family) Then I have in the past 10+ years . Not sure if that is what brought the tears or the fact the thoughts running through my head .. But I know I am 10 minutes past 3 days now; b\c of my long winded post :p TY SR .