Welcome to SR chris! You aren't truly alone, you have us. This is a great place to share how you're feeling - we've all been there in one way or another.
I drank for 30 yrs. I couldn't imagine life without it, but in the end I was completely dependent on it. It was going to kill me. I did what you did - prayed for strength to rise up out of the nightmare. I also found SR, where I received unbelievable comfort and support. I hope you'll feel good about being here with us. You have many great years lying ahead for you.