I am an alcoholic and have lived with an alcoholic sister in the throws of her madness, witnessed it all first hand. The threats of her killing me/ beating me up, her indiscretions, her drug use... I've seen it all with her, and then did it all myself. There is hope for you. There is hope for your mother. Just remember you are the only one who can ever take care of you. Love her but love yourself and take care of yourself. You may not be able to fix your family but you can give yourself the best life possible. You can give that to your own children some day.