I can relate to some of the personality things you and your AH is dealing with right not. i think many of us with drinking problems, myself for sure, tend to have problems with depression anxiety etc.. when I stopped drinking a lot of this was exacerbated. I find it very very difficult to go through certain days, even certain times of days without getting anxious. For instance, most every Friday I would get out of work by 4 and be having my first drink by 5, usually smashed by 9 pm. Now, I find I get very anxious and irritable around quitting time and even angry at times. It takes time to recognize when you are being a jerk because you aren't drinking, and it takes a lot of insight to be able to see it and correct it. It is so very very hard. Personally, I try to live a happy life and be nice to people. But guess who takes the brunt of my alcohol withdrawal? My loving husband. I don't have a cure for you. I don't know how to help you. I can say there is a very good chance your AH wants to change. Maybe the reason he is having a hard time is because he doesn't know what the cause of his bad mood is?