The way I look at it, as a result of the decisions I've made and the things I did to other people, I do not deserve what I now have. It's not so much that I don't deserve to be sober as that I do not deserve to be alive. But it is by grace and mercy that I am cleaned of my past and get to move into a future where I don't have to get what I "deserve". That's how I look at it, anyway.