Thanks Serine, it is pretty draining, soul searching and examining just where im going wrong, think the confidence thing is deeply entwined in my alcoholism, In the past I have analysed if I have developed this disease through over reliance on alcohol to overcome my shyness and anxiety and abused it to the extent that I just cant ever safely use it again or it was just 'there' in my DNA when I was born- In the last few years I believe the latter- I wasn't drinking 'normally' like others at age 15 (the drinking before English lesson proves this), guess in the end its like the guy on the bridge in the big book with his pants on fire wondering why they are on fire- it doesn't matter- jump in! And that's what I have to do follow the path that others have made without questioning too much of the actions I need to take- if that makes sense!?
Thanks also Sasha, I have had a lot of resentment towards my friend to be honest about the whole wedding situation, think there is still a lot of ignorance still out there about this disease, (when I mentioned to him that I had been attending AA, he told me that I was far too young to be an alcoholic), people still think that its a case of 'pull yourself together' type thing, but of course its not that easy. Think looking back I should have been more firm but ironically I was afraid of losing my friend! Ive got to learn from this and try and have the courage to say no in future.