Hi 1step -
Congrats on 5 days & for picking yourself up to try again. Hope you had a good weekend with the kids!
Trying stuff and having it not work is draining. Sounds like re-finding confidence in yourself would help a great deal in the next 2 weeks. What quick wins could you do to help rebuild your foundation so that you're coming from a place of personal strength.
I would also the examine the feedback of 'just toying' with AA' in contrast to your own perceptions as a key to understanding and unlocking your personal pattern. Please hear the essence without feeling judged. There is something that is holding you back from reaching your full potential with the methods that you're using. Understanding why that is, and what is causing it will make a huge difference in outcomes.
You're asking good questions to get to the heart of this. Keep it up! If it feels a little raw, it's a good sign that you're working on the level of change that will make an impact.
(((((hugs)))))