Hi Effie, welcome to this site, I can relate so much to your post, like you im more of a binge drinker- 10 days on 10 off sort of thing, im trying to quit for good as I, like you have done things that I am ashamed and guilt ridden about, your mention about your friends hen do certainly hit home. I was asked by my best friend of years to go to his wedding abroad on a greek island, I had my fears but didn't want to let him down, well I went and blacked out on the wedding day, the next day I was asked to apologise to everyone for my behaviour- none of which I can remember, I was apparently escorted into a taxi, which I jumped out of at traffic lights. The guilt I felt that next day was un imaginable but still my answer was to drink more to 'block' it out, the whole holiday was a disaster and I was lucky to have survived- unfortunately my best friend is not in my life anymore because of my alcoholic behaviour of that trip and other drinking incidents in the past.
The mad part is I felt resentment towards him for putting me in that position in the first place! and drank on that. Im trying to stop altogether now on day 5, I know how you must be feeling, its hard but we can do this- take a look around this site, there are loads and loads of people just like us who have turned their lives around, and we can too. I wish you all the best.