Is this going to hold me back?
I'm totally and utterly petrified of speaking at meetings for any length of time.
I will share at my home group because it is small and close knit. Even so, I have a great deal of anxiety and usually stammer my way through the minute or so that I'm actually talking.
I am approaching my year anniversary and have already decided not to collect my coin because it will involve talking in front of a different larger meeting. I was due to lead a meeting a few weeks back which was thankfully called off, but last week the share didn't show and my sponsor asked me to step in. I just couldn't do it. I refused and I feel really guilty about that. She is insistent that I need to do this. I don't think she understands how I'm not just nervous but petrified.
I realise this sounds ridiculous as I'm actually a teacher! Put me in front of a class of kids and I'm well within my comfort zone. But this is different.
It is becoming such a huge obstacle that I'm even thinking of stopping my meetings. I love AA, I love the way my life is changing, everything is going well. I'm working the steps, I help newcomers. But if I have that expectation to lead a group on my shoulders the whole time, I'd rather give the whole thing a miss.
Is this really such a big deal if I just say no to the public speaking part? I trust my sponsor and have followed her lead in everything. But I just can't with this one.