Don't be too hard on yourself. Nine months is awesome! Whatever program one chooses, I think balance is crucial too. Life is full of ups and downs for everyone. As an alcoholic with an addictive personality I want to escape bad situations and feelings instead of dealing with them. Also, in recovery it can take at least a year or two for the mind and body to start working right and depending on one's own situation up to another five or more to get settled into a manageable life. Be well.
ShawnM
Sober date 12-21-08